My bad days have seemed to turned into good ones the last couple days. During the day its like nothing can bring me down... but then I get home and I'm ready to go to bed and I completely fall apart.. like always. I'm so use to it now.. I just expect it. Which is probably a bad thing.. right? I sit here and ask myself what could've possibly hurt me this much to the point where it's effecting my everyday life...? Who knowthough, it could be many things.. many little things that I stopped just brushing off. Maybe everything just finally caught up to me and now its dragging me down.. farther and farther everyday.  I think one of the worst things is... is having a knack (only word I could think of) to help people and then coming to the point... where you honestly have no idea what to tell them anymore.... that just doesn't make me feel good. Enjoying things still isn't easy for me, although I still try to hide it.. more people notice but they don't say a word. Its not their problem anyway. I'm scared to try and help myself in fear of just hurting myself more then I already have. Is it worth it? I have no idea. Everythings begining to feel repeatative.. like I'm just standing still as everyone rushes past me. I think I try to help certian people in a way because.. I don't want them to end up like me. I want some change in my life because I figure maybe thats the first step to me actually getting better.. I say getting better like I'm sick.. I'm not.. thats probably bad too. But what else can I say.. the effect of almost what two years? Isn't really helpful to making me enjoy life.. not where I am now. Where the hell am I going?