it's my biggest disregard but my biggest vantage point....i loved you with a heart i can never seem to hear....sometimes I'm not even sure if it's there. i love you now...i always will..but i don't think this is healthy....i don't want to hurt you again and i don't want to loose you a second time, even though the first time was my fault...every things my fault. I sit here....in this seat following the words as they appear on the screen as i type them....I'm alone...it's a Saturday night and I'm waiting for you to text me....again. Wishing i had a friend here...i feel so excluded i know i shouldn't....but i know most of my friends so well, i know how they talk about people and sometimes i get so paranoid and think that they're just going to talk about me behind my back....am i annoying...am i boring....am i a bitch...i mean if i am please just say it...because being told it by you instead of hearing it from someone else will hurt so much less...i don't know what to do anymore...i always act like I'm happy..i try to think I'm always happy....but then i get to this...this state where I'm not sure how i feel...i doubt myself ....i feel so out of place...like i don't deserve half the people I've met in my life...all those people who have made me who i was...and who have taught me something....i don't deserve them half the time...i really don't...i need someone...and if i find that person i can tell absolutly everything to and always count on to make me feel better....and always be there when i need them...I'll smile at them and just say "thankyou"