Everyday.. I give up on myself a little more. I try to wear my heart on my sleeve but try not to be afraid to speak my mind but apparently I'm doing something wrong. Because I've seemed to loose more people than I've gained the last couple years. I've gone through so many changes that.. have basically just killed me. I've become an emotional wreck. And I over think everything. I'm now one of those people who don't practice what they preach. I hide a lot more things than I should. I am convinced that theres probably something wrong with me.. maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe I drive everyone away. I'm afraid of love... and taking chances scares the shit out of me. I've always been the good girl.. always have gone hand and hand with authority.. but I hate that about me. What I'm going now... its just not me anymore. I not me. I haven't been me forever. A new year... most people look forward to a new start.. but when I look ahead at this point I see another year of disappointment. Its hard for me to admit that things disappoint me more then they use to be because of things that have happened to make me feel like I was never good enough for anyone... And I honestly believe that now. I believe I'll just end up ruining everything for the people I get to close to. I'm so scared of everything now. I wish I could change everything thats made me this way... but I can't do anythhing about it now... I just change who I am... or who I've become.