So I've been thinking a lot lately... about how you ruined me for everyone else that comes around. How you took advantage of me.. how I actually thought you were my best friend... I don't know why this is coming to my mind now... it's been a while... almost a year now. But it still wasn't right.. I'm so different now.. I don't know how.. I've even tried to wash it away from my memory.. it'll always be there. I just need someone to tell me.. it wasn't my fault. That I didn't do anything wrong... but that wouldn't be right. Because every action I've ever made... I've had control over.. even if I only had a little control.. I always had it. And I could've changed things but I didn't because every moment.. I sat there a screwed up.. I didn't care.. because at that moment.. I didn't think anything would matter.. because I believed I couldn't possibly feel any worse than I did at those moments.. but I was completely wrong.. its after those moments that I felt the worst. I can't do it anymore. I need to wipe the slate clean and start new. I need someone to change my mind about everything and prove to me that I can be happy again. I need to be told that its going to be okay. I need someone to teach me to be me again. I just need to forget.. I just really need to forgive all my past mistakes.. because in the end I don't remember why I let them happen... they were never worth it.
19 comments:
It is going to be ok =D, and at least now you dont have someone that doesn't really care about you in your life, because if that friend really cared, they never would of hurt you in first place
i know.. its just. they put up this act so long that I was really convinced they'd never hurt me. ya know?
don't worry about it, if they hurt you, then it is not worth it to keep thinking about it, especially if it was a long time ago
yea. i know. it just popped into my head today. i'm not sure why.
its ok, its getting late, just go get some rest =]
thank you. i'll probably talk to you tomorrow on another post. bye
Can I disagree? I think a true best friend hurts you. Not intentionalyy. But as human beings we become these self people who horde life to ourselves. Best friends are those that teach us and break us down to show us who we are becoming and stopping us from going too far before your over the edge. A true friend will punch you in the face to wake you up before the car your in blows up. It hurts its death but its necessary. I'm not saying that people who take advantage of you are your best friends and that those who seek to cause you the most pain are the best friends but i am saying that if a true friend is a best friend we will go so far for your well being. It would be absolutely absurd to think you'll never argue with your best friend or disagree. But from such times is where love and the bond grows deeper. Me and my best friend carlos have been through the worst. From sleeping in the car together because of nowhere to go and yelling at each other and making dents in my car. But he is like my very soul and my closest brother. A true friend will hurt you but for your own good. And through that will grow. Just my opinion and experience.
Jesse, I'm not sure you really understand what I'm talking about here.
No I was commenting on the Anonymous's first statement. Not to yours. Sorry. And can ask.. what is it that makes it so hard to forgive?
thats just the first thing i thought after i read her blog >.< but i do understand what your saying: is it like those up and down moments and that roller coaster feeling that you get with a friend which makes a friendship a valuable one. am i right? or did i miss something?
Its not feelings but experiences, trials and hardships. If a friendship can not survive a horrible trial how are they friends? In other words. True friendship will last no matter what or who as long as love binds them together. So if your best friend hurts you ( and thats your true friend)then be sure that it is because they love you. Example. If a five year old child reaches for the stove and its burning hot. You are going to smack his wrist and firmly say "No!" Did you hit him because you hated him or you were never really a good friend to him? No of course not it was because you loved him and wanted him to stop before it was too late. All I'm sayin is that its absurd to think that a true friend would never hurt you and if so that is what forgiveness is for. In love. such trials between people bind them and bring them closer to one another. Trust me i know. So just because a person hurts you, be careful and evaluate the situation. Did this person do this because they desire to cause me pain? If so then have they done it several times? If yes then i must remove this person and thats reasonable. But if you realize that the person hurt you because they love you then thats different/ This person did it because they desire your well being.
sorry kaitlin
And thats not what i'm talking about. There is no genuine love there and no concern for the other person. True friendship carries with it true love. In true genuine love there is this ability to know and to act. To act for one another in a deep genuine bond. Thats not what i see here or anywhere in school! I'm not saying this to piss you too off. I'm saying this because it truth. Love covers a multitude of sins. I know what it feels like to be alone to cry so bitterly that you feel your very soul dying. I know what it is to cry and hyperventilate. I have been there so I'm not speaking out of ignorance. And i'm saying this because it is those types of friendships those kinds of love and genuine consideration for one another that brings you through and helps you survive. True Love lasts for eternity, false love will leave you in the dirt and alone looking for more of it.
Honestly it hurts to here that this has happened to you. I hate to see this. I honestly do and I'm sorry to. But I'm trying to say that there still is someone out there that believes true friends can exist even through hurt and pain. This society has no moral concept of partnership. they don't know what it means to trust someone.
And thats completely understandable. Never would i suggest that that person is your best friend. Never. If anything i encourage you to continue to move on and live life. But what will help you is not focusing on forgetting about him. But rather a friendship, a new one. Another one. One that can grow in genuine love. Through such a state can a person learn to forgive and move on. Now I'm not saying its easy finding a friend to do that with. But you know that everything in life that is worth having is the very thing you have to fight the hardest for.
i am. i'm doing things that are better for me
photography photography photography =D
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