Where do I even begin to get the thoughts that have been racing through my head out. I figured a couple things out the last couple days. The guy I use to right about.. a while ago... I obviously never stopped loving him. The relationship I had with him... was the best I've ever had... by far... but too much.. stuff went on that ruined everything about it... I mean I've had a couple relationships since that one but none of them lasted long, ended badly... whatever.. But I realized I'm just searching for something better then that first one... because I want to move on because as much as I'd go back in a heartbeat, I just don't want to go back when I know I'll probably only hurt him again.... I've done enough damage already. I mean it wouldn't take too much for me to fall for him all over again.. he could just show up out of no where and it be the happiest day of my life all over again. My face still lights up when a text from him shows up on my screen.. I can tell. My stomach still does flips when I'm around him or even see him for a split second. But I can't go back.... he deserves better than the broken girl that I've become...... I'm a mess and I've been trying to fix myself up forever but I almost feel like giving up because every time I make progress I just end up turning back around again. I don't deserve anything.