Excuse me please, one more drink. Could you make it strong? Cause I don't need to think.

 I try to tell myself that my life is good now. I have no remorse and I no longer feel completely alone. But I can't say that I don't still feel like somethings missing. Does that make me a selfish person? I have plenty of friends, I have a roof over my head, I have a good structured family, I have enough clothes to the point where I don't wear half of what I own, I have a bed to sleep in every night, I have three meals a day and can get food anytime I want. I have all these things and more and yet I sit here convinced that my life can have a little more. Although I don't know what that thing is, I still think its essential to my life to make me from having the random day where I feel like I use to. I still over think things, I still blame most things that happen on myself, I still feel like a screw up most of the time, and sometimes I just feel completely helpless... and yet, I'm still happy. I can truly smile most of the time and know in the back of the mind that for once in my life I don't have to fake it. I've realized recently however, just because you know you want or need something doesn't mean you should necessary go looking for it, most of the time it is better to let these thing come to you because in our selfish humanistic ways we go and search of things and create something into something it was never suppose to be and even when we realize that it was the wrong choice we still try to convince ourselves its what we want because we want whatever it is to work. But most of the time things like this just ruin a part of our lives we use to enjoy. But what can we do about this? Absolutely nothing. I say this only because we're all going to make mistakes in our lives and we have to learn to live with them. We can't go ahead and try to fix them right away because we have to let them fix themselves but most people do not realize this until we make things worse. Everyone say our lives are short and we should enjoy every minute. I agree with half of that. Yes we should enjoy every minute of the life we have no matter what but life is not short... because life is the longest thing we actually ever do.