everyday.

Everyday I realize that for some reason I keep losing so much more than I'd like to. I'm stuck home most nights due to my lack of friends or friends that actually want to be around me.... apparently. I get lied to, used, made fun of, spit on, kicked, hurt by people who I help or have tried to help in the past. Most of the time I feel like I don't have one real friend out there. I want to have fun. Do something different...... do something "crazy?" ..... psh. I feel crazy. I'm like depressed a lot now. again.... I don't talk to anyone about anything anymore cause of trust issues or the fact that I just don't like talking about the stuff that bothers me. I worry too much about everyone else and their problems that I don't have time to worry about myself. Everyone else problems always seem so much more major than mine anyways.... mine don't matter... they're stupid.... I'm stupid. I don't take risks anyways... how do I expect myself to have fun? I lost some good friends or they've been taken from me or simply didnt choose to keep me.... I don't need a bottle in my hand every weekend to have fun.... I never did and to the people that do well I think you are fucking stupid.. I don't care that you do it don't get me wrong.. I mean I'll drink, I do it but I don't need to.... drop some of your good friends for that liquor while your at it. But I also am sick of the same damn thing every weekend.... same thing being nothing. Schools a drag. I hate that too. People making me feel like an idiot every chance they get... I love that Or the people that bring up stuff I've done and just make me feel like a bitch all the time. Thats some good stuff too. Apparently lying to me and screwing my over is a requirement to be my friend for most people. It would not be a stretch to say I completely hate my life and everything about it. I'd talk to you about it but all you'd say is not you shouldn't feel like that.... it's how I feel... no words will change that.